The Marriage Mirror Challenge

The most common question I have received since I began to promote this book has been, "Would you say this book is a guide to divorce proof your marriage?" The answer is "No." This is because people choose divorce on their own and for various reasons. No amount of advice is going to stop someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship from leaving. Plus, usually those people are not seeking God's input about leaving. (Of course there are some exceptions.) This book is a guide to doing marriage according to God's model. This book is also my testimony about how I am actively avoiding divorce. For me this book is the brain child of countless disagreements and wondering how my husband and I have overcome so much. It wasn't just the fact that we have known each other for over 20 years. It was the things we did within those years. The good habits we will repeat and the negative habits we have ceased. It was hard work. Still, there were days when I wasn...

Good Morning Lovers! As we approach Valentine's Day in another year I am thinking about post Valentine's Day. I'm not a believer in expressing my love one day out of the year. Currently, I am working on the first ever H.A.W.I.S.M. seminar and book release. I have been finding my way as a marriage counselor. The one thing I have noticed is we are not doing marriage according to God's model. I think trying to articulate this sentiment is the reason I started this blog - The Marriage Mirror Challenge. However, since I began the blog is seems my greatest lessons on the subject have come from the things I have gone through with my husband. I love him dearly. Still we have gone through so much, most of which I attribute to having known him since elementary school. From age a 11 until now we have about 2 decades between us. So, call it growing pains. Spiritually, it's exactly what they were. Our endurance has been tested and given a chance to grow. By the God's gra...

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Few things in marriage are more devastating than lying (or any form of deception). If you've read What To Do When A Spouse Lies by Drs. Les and Leslie, then you know the common reasons for lying and that there are essentially two types of lies. Whether or not you and your relationship recovers from a lie depends on two factors: the type of lie and your ability to forgive. Factor One: The Type of Lie Some people lie to avoid hurting the person they love. The hard part about this sentiment is that as loving as the sentiment seems this type of lie is still selfish. It is selfish because this type of lie is not told to avoid hurt, but to avoid consequence. It is passive. Seeing a spouse hurt and what they might  do out of that hurt is a consequence which one does want to deal with (most likely because it may include accepting a loss). The first step to healing from this type of lie is to acknowledge the lie and the reason for the lie. If you are the one who lied it is better if ...

If you were to look into the mirror of your marriage would you see the love of Christ? This morning, I was meditating from Colossians 3 in my  Bible App . As I studied the text, it became clear to me God's expectation that we mirror him and his character in our lives. However, God highlighted some key things about staying strong through the trials of marriage. Continue reading as I share them with you. Verse 1 speaks about setting our sights on the realities of heaven. We have the ability to set  or dictate  the direction of our thoughts. We have a choice about which reality to focus on. The text specifies our thinking should not being on things concerning the earth, but of heaven. Earth is full of every negative thing sin and the sinful nature could create from infidelity to all kinds of lack. Is this  really the reality you want to focus on? No. Instead re-focus your vision, thoughts, and speech to the reality of heaven. "Thy will be done on Earth as it is in...