Marriage - The 9th Year - Fruit and Harvest

By: Shawnee Eskridge, CFBCT

Bible Tools: Romans 12:1, 1 Timothy 3:1-13

Video Reference: Marriage Minutes

I thought about this fact: when some people choose their profession or decide to answer their calling they are often thought to be very confident and passionate. I am very passionate about being a marriage counselor and very excited to branch out in the quest to help and heal families.

However, in my walk I've also experienced self-consciousness, fear, hesitation, stagnation, procrastination and almost complete self-sabotage. My marriage is by no means perfect. That scared me the most. I tell myself all the time no marriage is perfect, but I know that the more consistent I am with my career and calling a couple’s first expectation of me will be to have it all together. Even in 1 Timothy it says that a minister is to have his house in order before working with the people of God. I try to hold myself to that line so hard. I don't tell people about the appointments I’ve cancelled just because things weren't right in my marriage at that time. I don't talk to others about the moments I feel unworthy to minister.

Still, I think the thing that attacked me with feeling the most unworthy was not my marriage, but where I come from and how it presents itself negatively in my marriage. A lot of what my husband and I agreed to fight are the generational curses. We are so conscious about breaking negative soul ties from my background just as much as his. Generational curses including keeping secrets, lies, domestic abuse, and the habit  of serial dating bad people. Right when I think one of those things weighs more heavily on me than the others, another issue will rear its ugly head. Daddy issues, mommy issues, body shaming or sibling disconnect and rivalry.

All these past things made up who I was. When the bad always seemed to outweigh the good, they would leave me frozen. I must admit there are times when my marriage has been a mirror of what I've been through rather than a mirror of God's relationship with the body of Christ. What I've learned is that no marriage starts out as the mirror of God's relationship with the body of Christ. Every marriage starts out striving to get to that place. In order to do that authentically the two people within the marriage have to be striving constantly to be engaging with God as active members of the body of Christ. It takes a relationship with God and His word. A good marriage takes a greater level of faith.

For every moment that you're offended and you have to forgive. For every time you have to swallow your pride. For every time you lack patience with your spouse's repetitive, seemingly unchanging behavior that is not productive to the marriage. Taking all of that and trusting God to work out all that is wrong within each of you. (Especially, all that is within you that is so unlike God and so hard to face.)

I think about all these things; how unworthy I’ve sometimes felt. How the really bad disagreements with my husband were the biggest opportunities for me to hear that nagging voice taunt, “Are you sure God meant you to be a marriage counselor”.

I had to think about why is it that I keep doing this. Why haven't we gotten a divorce? How am I so sure I will never get a divorce? Why will marriage counseling always be one of the four things that fulfills my life? Why will marriage counseling always be the call that I answer?

There are multiple reasons. First, I figured out if God gives me the power to save a family or an individual from repeating any of the negativity he saved me from, then I should step up. It's not that I can keep anyone from adversity. However, I can help someone see God in a darkness I am familiar with. I can be the one to provide those resources. I should and I will.

Second, I realized I owe God. God has planted so many seeds within me. When a farmer plants a seed he awaits a harvest. Growing up I always heard “you can't beat God’s giving”. I also always heard God's love and his sacrifice are the debts you will never be able to repay. Yet and still, I have learned if there is a debt you can repay to God it’s the “at least debt”. The “at least debt” is when you are presented with a situation or people that make you look inward and say “after all God has done for me; on top of sacrifice of Jesus this is the least I can do for his kingdom.” (Romans 12:1)

“This is just one more way I can show my gratitude. This is just one more area where I can gladly be obedient.”

That's the at least debt. It's a debt we all owe and can pay. The good thing about this debt is it has no expiration. Unlike other debts that we pay, paying this debt yields a return of unlimited blessings that also have no expiration. When you pay this debt you're not the only one who wins. The kingdom wins. As the kingdom wins everybody lives.

My husband and I analyzed all of the negative things which happened in our marriage. We saw God bringing us from negative places we are sometimes embarrassed to talk about to the most beautiful places of being blessed. I thank God this is just the beginning. I thank God there are messes which have given us messages. Tests that have become our testimonies. This all has been to the glory of God. That's a great farmer is collecting his harvest. It is just the beginning of harvest season.

My prayer for this next year of our marriage is to be bearers of good fruit. I pray our community will see the word of God placed within us. Black families. All families. Families with domestic violence. Broken homes. Neglected children. Children with daddy issues or mommy issues. Spouses and parents of those with special needs. Those with body image and low self confidence issues. Everything God allowed us to overcome, I pray those are the people we will go out into the world and minister and display good fruit to.

I pray we don't back down when it looks crazy and when others don't understand. I pray when we're in those moments we remember people thought Jesus was crazy too. I pray to remember we, as the body of Christ, have a spouse who the world thought was crazy, but he had good fruit. God received the biggest harvest from the husband of the body of Christ!

I pray we continue to participate in that harvest in this 9th year of our marriage.

Romance Recovery Counseling is COR Memphis sponsored service.