HAWISM: Divorce Started This Conversation

The most common question I have received since I began to promote this book has been, "Would you say this book is a guide to divorce proof your marriage?"

The answer is "No." This is because people choose divorce on their own and for various reasons. No amount of advice is going to stop someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship from leaving. Plus, usually those people are not seeking God's input about leaving. (Of course there are some exceptions.)

This book is a guide to doing marriage according to God's model. This book is also my testimony about how I am actively avoiding divorce. For me this book is the brain child of countless disagreements and wondering how my husband and I have overcome so much. It wasn't just the fact that we have known each other for over 20 years. It was the things we did within those years. The good habits we will repeat and the negative habits we have ceased. It was hard work. Still, there were days when I wasn't happy to do the work. How did I get through those days?

The conversations and prayers from those days inspired How and Why I Stay Married. Those were hard conversations trying avoid all the nastiness of divorce proceedings. It hurt so much to talk about living apart and dividing the children's time, beneficiaries, dividing income, etc. What made our conversations hard was my husband constantly telling me he loved me. I knew I loved him too. It was never about loving him, but I wasn't happy. No matter how many times or various ways I explained exactly what I needed from my husband I wasn't receiving it. I'd had enough of NOT having everything I felt I wanted.

The only thing which saved us was praying and paying attention to what God said to me about the three of us. Yes, the three of us. Worship, conversation, connection and forgiveness. These are the things God discussed with me and they became the key components to How and Why I Stay Married.

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