Know Your Enemy
By: Shawnee Eskridge, Faith Based Clinical Therapist
Bible Tools: Don't Look Back, In Security, and Soul Detox
Additional Resources: Soul Ties by Del Lawrence
I don't know if it's that we don't realize it or that we don't like to to talk about it, but sometimes there is a very present third wheel during marital disagreements. The third wheel is Satan. His agenda to steal, kill and destroy is very real. Number one on his list is your marriage to your spouse. Second on his list is your marriage to God. If he can get you to destroy the former, getting you to doubt the latter is a child's play to him. The key is to not give him that opportunity.
Help Satan destroy my marriage . . . who would willing do that, Shawnee?
You, me, anyone when we're so caught up in our feelings. We forget to forgive or pray for God's guidance through a difficult time. Even forgetting to ask God for his guidance to continue good habits in marriage can be costly. Complacency is subtle (like the serpent). Marriage requires a consistent maintenance - daily. Checking in with your spouse can and will save a lot of heartache.
Questions such as "Are we good?" or "You want to talk about us?" may seem confrontation in today's time, but they're merely life perseveres. They open the door for direct and honest communication. A few weeks ago Terry and I had a discussion about our marriage which required a such level of candidness. The situation started with an email notification on Terry's phone. . . dun dun DUUNNN!
It was a rated "R" solicitation, spam message that went to his inbox rather than his spam folder. I unlocked his phone and read the message. I asked Terry what he knew about the message. Terry informed me that, though he didn't know why, he had been receiving these messages as recently as a few days prior in his spam folder. These are the types of situations the enemy salivates over. This is his steak and potatoes!
How easy would it have been to accuse Terry of trying to hide infidelity? Too easy! Why? - Ah, this the question the enemy does NOT want you to ask. He doesn't want you to ask this question because more than anything he doesn't want you to give God the opportunity to heal you from past hurts. Satan wants you bitter and to use bitterness to break down your marriage.
In past relationships, I have been cheated on. I have had exes try to hold secret phone conversations in the bathroom that they tried to cover by running bath water. The list goes on and not to mention the things I have seen men do other women. (Men, I call friends at that!) It would be nothing to let skepticism cause bitterness and discord in my marriage and say, "I'm just protecting myself," "I don't put anything past a man." (Even Ms. Evelyn Braxton's favorite, "Every man cheats except Jesus and Obama.")
So what did I do? I let Terry sweat bullets while I protected him. I took his phone and checked his online activity because I know my husband. (Every woman says that, right?) Perfect, no, but he is an online hermit! We know each others every email account, passwords and we share the same financial vendors. More than that we share the same God. God will tell you when something is really up. All you have to do is listen.
As I checked every online account and browser history (even for Google incognito) I found exactly what I knew I would. Emails. Work. Manga. Repeat. The only surprisingly thing I found was Terry's account used to order flowers for me. I reinforced his passwords. Cleared the cache on his Chrome browser and shut down accounts that were no longer in use. I unsubscribed Terry from email lists that would possibly sell his email address to third parties and lastly, I removed his info from whitepages.com. LOL!
When I was done Terry took an early break to come home and talk to me about it. I prayed before that conversation. God told me be humble and reminded me that I am not perfect. (Not a cheater and still not perfect.) We sat on the couch and Terry apologized. Terry reiterated that he did not know how his email address got out. I informed him about everything I did not find. I informed him of my suspicion that his email address was probably sold to a third party vendor from one of his manga /fan-fiction sites.
Then the conversation took a deeper turn. Terry pointed out that doubt couldn't happen without a history of neglect in our relationship. It's true, my husband is not perfect. However, he is perfect for me. Sometimes, I lose sight of that in my feelings. Sometimes, I have been known to pay too much attention to what he is not doing and not enough attention to the good he is doing. I realized, on both sides, that is the enemy at work.
A man feeling like nothing his does gets through to his wife or his efforts will never be good enough for her because she refuses to affirm him. That's the enemy.
A woman feeling unappreciated and unloved because her husband neglects to tell her or show her with romance. That's the enemy.
So, I told Terry that I see the enemy and what he's trying to do in me and in him. Something so simple, a nothing, this is where the enemy attempts to rise in power. He does it by stealing your peace. Do not give him the opportunity to gain a foothold in your marriage. Pay attention, pray and speak up with your spouse (before there's a problem). Know your real enemy.
Bible Tools: Don't Look Back, In Security, and Soul Detox
Additional Resources: Soul Ties by Del Lawrence
I don't know if it's that we don't realize it or that we don't like to to talk about it, but sometimes there is a very present third wheel during marital disagreements. The third wheel is Satan. His agenda to steal, kill and destroy is very real. Number one on his list is your marriage to your spouse. Second on his list is your marriage to God. If he can get you to destroy the former, getting you to doubt the latter is a child's play to him. The key is to not give him that opportunity.
Help Satan destroy my marriage . . . who would willing do that, Shawnee?
You, me, anyone when we're so caught up in our feelings. We forget to forgive or pray for God's guidance through a difficult time. Even forgetting to ask God for his guidance to continue good habits in marriage can be costly. Complacency is subtle (like the serpent). Marriage requires a consistent maintenance - daily. Checking in with your spouse can and will save a lot of heartache.
Questions such as "Are we good?" or "You want to talk about us?" may seem confrontation in today's time, but they're merely life perseveres. They open the door for direct and honest communication. A few weeks ago Terry and I had a discussion about our marriage which required a such level of candidness. The situation started with an email notification on Terry's phone. . . dun dun DUUNNN!
It was a rated "R" solicitation, spam message that went to his inbox rather than his spam folder. I unlocked his phone and read the message. I asked Terry what he knew about the message. Terry informed me that, though he didn't know why, he had been receiving these messages as recently as a few days prior in his spam folder. These are the types of situations the enemy salivates over. This is his steak and potatoes!
How easy would it have been to accuse Terry of trying to hide infidelity? Too easy! Why? - Ah, this the question the enemy does NOT want you to ask. He doesn't want you to ask this question because more than anything he doesn't want you to give God the opportunity to heal you from past hurts. Satan wants you bitter and to use bitterness to break down your marriage.
In past relationships, I have been cheated on. I have had exes try to hold secret phone conversations in the bathroom that they tried to cover by running bath water. The list goes on and not to mention the things I have seen men do other women. (Men, I call friends at that!) It would be nothing to let skepticism cause bitterness and discord in my marriage and say, "I'm just protecting myself," "I don't put anything past a man." (Even Ms. Evelyn Braxton's favorite, "Every man cheats except Jesus and Obama.")
So what did I do? I let Terry sweat bullets while I protected him. I took his phone and checked his online activity because I know my husband. (Every woman says that, right?) Perfect, no, but he is an online hermit! We know each others every email account, passwords and we share the same financial vendors. More than that we share the same God. God will tell you when something is really up. All you have to do is listen.
As I checked every online account and browser history (even for Google incognito) I found exactly what I knew I would. Emails. Work. Manga. Repeat. The only surprisingly thing I found was Terry's account used to order flowers for me. I reinforced his passwords. Cleared the cache on his Chrome browser and shut down accounts that were no longer in use. I unsubscribed Terry from email lists that would possibly sell his email address to third parties and lastly, I removed his info from whitepages.com. LOL!
When I was done Terry took an early break to come home and talk to me about it. I prayed before that conversation. God told me be humble and reminded me that I am not perfect. (Not a cheater and still not perfect.) We sat on the couch and Terry apologized. Terry reiterated that he did not know how his email address got out. I informed him about everything I did not find. I informed him of my suspicion that his email address was probably sold to a third party vendor from one of his manga /fan-fiction sites.
Then the conversation took a deeper turn. Terry pointed out that doubt couldn't happen without a history of neglect in our relationship. It's true, my husband is not perfect. However, he is perfect for me. Sometimes, I lose sight of that in my feelings. Sometimes, I have been known to pay too much attention to what he is not doing and not enough attention to the good he is doing. I realized, on both sides, that is the enemy at work.
A man feeling like nothing his does gets through to his wife or his efforts will never be good enough for her because she refuses to affirm him. That's the enemy.
A woman feeling unappreciated and unloved because her husband neglects to tell her or show her with romance. That's the enemy.
So, I told Terry that I see the enemy and what he's trying to do in me and in him. Something so simple, a nothing, this is where the enemy attempts to rise in power. He does it by stealing your peace. Do not give him the opportunity to gain a foothold in your marriage. Pay attention, pray and speak up with your spouse (before there's a problem). Know your real enemy.
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